Twenty

One

Twenty missed calls. He was just going to keep calling.

I pressed talk, “Why are you calling me?”

“I’m so sorry. Please listen to me.” Desperation filled his words.

“I don’t want to.” The numb feeling set in thirty hours ago and hadn’t dissipated. I was wrung dry of emotions. Hopelessness hung around my neck. 

“Please let me explain,” Mark asked quietly.

I exhaled loudly; wanting him to know I was over him. This whole thing was a nuisance I’ve moved past; he wasn’t someone worth my broken heart. It was a lie, but I wanted him to believe it.

“Please.”

“Fine.”

If only my ears could disconnect from my head, so he couldn’t confirm what his ex-wife told me when she answered his phone.

“I just, you know, fucked it up.” His smooth, confident voice shook as he spoke. “I don’t know what I was thinking. I wouldn’t have gone, but Tessa said that Lee’s old girlfriend, Hailey, would be there. I hadn’t seen her since his funeral.”

Is that supposed to make me feel better? Rage reared up, but I didn’t spew all the expletives that swirled around in my head. Because we’re done. It doesn’t matter what he said.

“I’m sorry."

"Please, say something.”

Why won’t he let me be? I made it easy; I begged my sister the morning after to go to my place, get all his shit out of there, and change the locks.

As soon as his drunk ass called me, I told him it was over, and he should get his stuff before I trashed it.

So why was he on the phone pleading with me?

He couldn't explain why hours after I left, he met with Tessa and Hailey. Then slept with Hailey. Nothing would change what he did.

How could I put myself in this position again? Why does this keep happening? Is there something wrong with me?

I closed my eyes pressing out the destructive thoughts.

Two

It was different last time. I’d been with Will for three years when he moved back home. Promising it had nothing to do with us, just that he needed to be close to his family after his brother died. It didn’t take long before my suspicions began. He lied about why he wasn’t home when I called. He lied when I ask why Melanie kept coming up in our conversations. He lied when I asked him directly if he was living with her. I got physically sick thinking about her there while I was on the phone with him.

I vowed it wouldn’t happen again. I won't go through the agony of doubt and worry ever again. I let Will lie for too long.

I won’t let another year of my life be sucked away in lies.

I smothered the flood of emotion raging inside. “I have to go; we’re about to eat lunch,” I lied.

“Oh, okay. Can I call you again?”

Another sigh. “I don’t know.”

I sat down motionless, screaming inside, why didn’t I just say no. I wanted it over. He cheated. I ended it. Why does he keep calling?

The distance between us would be gone when I fly home. My trip was only four days, and it took him one to throw it all away.

Three

My best friend listened and let me cry, helped me mold the hard shell around my heart. When I’d cried all the tears I thought possible, he called again. I ignored it and tried to enjoy my vacation despite the sadness that swallowed me. She answered his calls, giving me the buffer I needed.

He wasn’t making it easy. Why wouldn’t he just leave me alone?

Finally, I took his call. Then the next call. I hung up on him countless times when my anger boiled over at his confessions. But my heart wouldn’t let it end. I kept answering his calls.

Two months earlier, I tagged along with my friends to the next town when they suggested another bar had cheaper drinks.  I saw him at the end of the bar right after we walked in, drinking and talking with some guy; I had to meet him.

When Mark sat down with us at our table, I couldn’t take my eyes off his handsome face and deep brown eyes. He asked me to dance and then kissed me. After talking and flirting, we decided to walk back to his truck together.  More talking and laughing through the quiet neighborhood.

When he asked me to drive, I didn’t think anything of it. I spent the night with him and woke up a few hours later to be ushered out of his apartment because he said he had plans that morning. He drove me back to my car; the thirty-minute drive filled with our conversation. We connected so seamlessly. Then I realized I forgot my lipstick and we had to go back. Almost to my car again, I bit my lip and admitted I forgot my keys. He teased that I was leaving stuff behind on purpose, which made me laugh nervously because the truth is that I just forget stuff a lot when I’m rushed. Almost two hours later, we made it to my car with all my belongings. I kissed him goodbye, and I knew I wouldn’t be calling him. Despite our connection, a one nightstand leads to nothing good.

And then as I was starting my car, he rolled down the window and asked me what I was doing for the day. I didn’t have plans. So when he asked if he could come over, I agreed with a smile.

Four

When I got back from my trip, Mark asked if he could come over to see me. I was hesitant. On the phone, I had some control; I could hang up as soon as I was overwhelmed. Seeing him. I didn’t know if I could hold up my wall of protection with him so near.

But I wasn’t strong enough to say no yet. So I agreed.

The dark circles under his eyes and hurt when I pulled away from him was hard to ignore. I sat as far away from him as possible avoiding his eye contact. He talked while I listened.

Then he said something that made sense. “It wasn’t about you. I slept with Hailey to rub it in Tessa’s face that I didn’t want her. She cheated on me and threw our marriage away. I wanted to show her she’d never have me again.”

It didn’t make me feel better about what he did to me. But I understood that better than all his apologies. Tessa broke him when she left. I naively thought it wouldn’t matter. I’d never dating anyone that was divorced. I didn’t understand the ramifications that went into the loss of a marriage.

Unable to disregard the anguish he felt or the deep remorse, my ice encrusted shell cracked. And that’s when he cried for the first time with me. I couldn’t deny that I felt the same torture at being without him; I wanted him and his promises to change to be genuine. But I still didn’t trust him.

Five

He called every day. And little by little he asked for more. Asked to see me again. Then asked me to look at him. All his efforts were like the tide coming in closer and closer to my sandcastle fortress, inch by inch eroding my walls. Then when I looked at him, his red-rimmed eyes drove home his regret; he asked if I would sit closer to him. We progressed slowly, but all this did was cement how much I loved him and how angry I was at what he did to us. Sorrow and fury would boil up, and I couldn’t move past the ache. He asked for another chance. He told me he’d do anything.

So I told him if he was serious that he made the biggest mistake of his life by cheating on me, and he wanted me back, then there were no more chances. I made him promise to leave me alone if he screwed it up again. I knew I still wasn't strong enough to do it.

But if I asked for too much then he would fail, and it would end. So I laid out all my demands. He said he wouldn't fail me.

I didn't believe him, but I agreed.

Six

Looking back twenty years later, I’m so glad I agreed.

Caged Beauty Series UPDATE

Since The Swallow was my first book ever to write and then self-publish, I am experiencing some ADHD and growing pains with the subsequent books.  I say ADHD because I write when I am inspired, which thankfully happens to be often, but sometimes it isn't about the book that everyone that read The Swallow is waiting for. Don't worry, I have my mother, who is among you, prodding me on.  

This image represent how I feel
about writing these next books,
it is a hard climb, and I love the view
 so I get distracted by all the beauty.

But I wanted to do something different to capitalize on my ADHD* (see below for my explanation) brain, by writing not only The Bluebird but also a book from Alex's POV, which was supposed to be a novella but has turned into a novel, and maybe a novella from Evan's POV.  To get a sneak peak at what the covers may look like, follow me on Instagram, Twitter or Facebook.

So I currently have three books in various stages of the Caged Beauty Series.  So YAY! to all of you who will look forward to more books, but that also means BOO! it may take me a little longer to put The Bluebird out.  

*no offense to anyone that actually has ADHD, I am hijacking that word to mean that I can't stay on one task and get distracted by other stories in my head--although maybe me being a little offense will get some comments below. One can only dream. 

I am still shooting for late Spring/early Summer for The Bluebird, but I may put out Alex's book first, it depends.  This actually is the curse and beauty of self-publishing; I don't have grand wizards of publishing telling me when to do each of the books and setting a deadline, so I have the freedom to do what I feel is best for the stories, but I could be totally wrong because again I don't have any grand wizards of publishing telling me what to do.

Alex's book, creatively named Alex, will be set during the same time as the first part of The Bluebird.  You'll pick up from him almost exactly where The Swallow left him, unless through editing this changes, and takes him through about mid-way into The Bluebird. I've been grappling with just adding his POV to The Bluebird by alternating between Alex's POV and Kathryn's POV and extending the series into three, but I don't want the series to be a trilogy.  It is two books with a few additional books that add to the story.  Again, the publishing wizards aren't here to tell me it's a bad idea.

And Evan's book, titled Evan because the creativity genius struck again, will either be published with the Prequel or kept separate.  I'm not sure yet, but it is a prequel of sorts because it takes place during Kathryn's initial training and years before The Swallow when their relationship was in turmoil, but they had to work together. Spoiler alert:  Sparks fly! 

But I am contemplating a little happily ever after for Evan, why you ask, because well, I still love his character, but I'm not sure if that will happen within The Bluebird or within the Evan book. 

And while I'm spilling secrets, I might as well tell you there's a smoking hot man (besides Alex and Evan) in The Bluebird that needs to have his story told and to find someone to love. So I'm not naming any names, but I have plans for him to cross over into another book that I started writing in October.

Oh, yeah, sorry, I'm not only writing The Bluebird, Alex, and Evan (so diligently) but I've also started three other works in progress (hence the ADHD reference).  More details will come about those later (check out Upcoming Books on InkonaPage.com), but I am doing my best to focus on Caged Beauty Series, promise!

So there's my convoluted update about the Caged Beauty Series.  I do intend on self-publishing the rest of the series, so please run and tell all your friends about The Swallow. Because after this series, I'm trying my luck in the Big World of Publishing, so anything else from me may be a while in the making, until I can get some love from an agent and publisher.

Enjoy your Winter and Christmas (or whatever Holiday you do or don't celebrate) and most importantly keep reading!

Isabelle Joshua

Auto-correct

Case in point.

Now I admit that I am not always diligent about editing and reading over my posts on here or FB before submitting them.  Usually, it is after I hit submit that I read it.  But this happens to me all the time on my phone when I text or submit posts or reviews, the DAMN auto-correct.

I just caught one that I wrote:  all tied up  =  amputated when auto-corrected

And I have a decent sized phone screen, but if I am typing a long message, which I tend to do, it is a b*tch to scroll up and reread it.  Only when it is posted will it show up in one box that fills the screen. I know auto-correct can lead to funny texts as demonstrated by the many memes dedicated to it, but I hate it. I like the auto-suggest feature so if I am starting to type "fri"  the option Friday friend  fries pop up, and I can quickly choose.  But if I have typed my damn word out already why in the hell is the auto-correct changing it.

I've looked through my phone settings, and there isn't a way to change it.  Well, no way I can tell that it can be changed. So I must remind myself to double check everything I type and send so I don't mess up.  Yeah right, like that's gonna happen.  So please forgive if you've ever come across a weird word that is so out of place in one of my posts, I blame auto-correct. But please feel free to comment with the offending word if you like.

Is there a technology that you hate?

No matter how much I hate auto-correct there is one I hate even more: Group Text

"The Swallow" Reviewed by Sheri Hoyte for Reader Views (09/16)

The Swallow
Isabelle Joshua
CreateSpace (2016)
ISBN 9781530520275
Reviewed by Sheri Hoyte for Reader Views (09/16)

“The Swallow” is the first book in the Caged Beauty Series, and the debut novel by author Isabelle Joshua.

Special Agent Kathryn Bryant was tricked and coerced into working for the NSA by her ex-boyfriend, Evan, who is now her boss. Espionage isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, and after one too many missions extracting sensitive data from disgusting lowlifes, Kathryn vows to make an escape, and begins careful deliberation of her secret exit to her new life. One more mission, that’s what she keeps telling herself, but her latest target, Alex, is unlike any she has ever known. After spending a week with Alex, Kathryn realizes that he is the perfect person to help her escape, but how can she convince him, and will she sacrifice the mission in the process?

I thoroughly enjoyed this book. Thoroughly. A bit of espionage, a bit of intrigue, a bit of romance – what’s not to like? The writing is straightforward, deliberate, and often brash, pulling the reader deeply into the story, either through a glimpse into Kathryn’s innermost thoughts or through the witty dialogue between the characters.

Ranking closely second to the writing style, are the delightful characters created by Ms. Joshua. Kathryn is a strong female lead, confident and sexy, down to earth and playful, but also mean, and sometimes nasty, especially in the second half of the book. Alex is every woman’s dream guy – thoughtful, caring, gorgeous, sensitive, strong, manly, and forgiving, almost to a fault - I could go on, but you get the idea. I felt like a fly on the wall watching their relationship develop, and the sex scenes – the perfect mix of romance and steam - sultry, inviting, and hot, without being sappy, insulting, or slutty. The supporting characters are genuine and create a nice balance, aiding the protagonists through a steadily moving plot.

I don’t usually do this, as I believe in the old adage of not judging a book by its cover and all, but I have to add that in addition to a fantastic story, the book cover is quite exquisite – simple, yet beautiful, clean and enticing.

“The Swallow” by Isabelle Joshua is a creative, intriguing story, and sets a solid foundation for a spectacular series, a bit different from anything currently on the market. That said, I was disappointed to learn that there is only one more book in the series, scheduled for production in 2017. Overall, I highly recommend this book and look forward to the upcoming conclusion, “The Bluebird.” One can always hope Joshua’s fans can change her mind by urging her to continue this incredible series!

To purchase "The Swallow" click here.

Character and Scene Descriptions

As a writer, I struggle over descriptions and describing the scene and what my characters look like. I spend countless hours researching outfits (if it is important to the scene) or homes and the layout.  For every book I've written, I have a Pinterest page where I save images, and I save homes that I scour the internet for to use as the homes of my characters. I have to picture it all in my head and then translate it down onto the page.  But I also know that my stories are anemic when it comes to descriptions compared to other authors.  When I write a scene, I usually plow through with the dialog or what is happening and then go back on the second draft and add more description unless it was originally pivotal to the scene.  But as I reader, my focus is entirely different.

I realized this during a discussion with the book club I'm a part of.  We were discussing the differences between the character described in some of our favorite books and the actor's portrayal or appearance in the movie version.  I typically separate the book from the movie version because the author usually has minimal control over what happens in the movie.  But the women were going on and on about the differences between who played the characters and how different his look was to the one in the book. I was baffled, I said I rarely remember what the characters look like unless it is a very prominent characteristic or mentioned frequently. They suggested that it could be that I read the books so fast it is hard to remember the details.  Maybe but I think the details aren't as important to me.  I like the action as a reader, and I want the story to move. And so often the story drags when it suddenly starts describing a character's outfit in the middle of the action.  Especially if it doesn't add anything, I don't effing care that he is wearing epaulets unless they have some special power that saves the world, because otherwise the character need to get on with it, her friends are waiting for her to save the world!

Maybe it is just me, but I don't care what the curtain or the end table looked like or if it was some antique 2nd century whatever, does it matter to the story? No, then tell me it's an antique end table and move on!

Crazy Reviews

I write reviews for books, but I can never come up with more than just a few sentence even if I absolutely loved the book.  I probably can come up with a more thorough review when I actually do not like the book.

Then I joined a book club (excited to talk to fellow book lovers), and I expressed my amazement at other reviewers dissertations on books. I hate when reviewers rewrite the blurb that the publisher or author wrote because that is easily found usually further up the page on Amazon.  But then the reviewer spends the next eight lengthy paragraphs intimately dissecting the book. How??

I mean where does all that come from.  I thought maybe I lack this skill because I speed read.  I can usually read a 300-400 page in a day, so the elaborate descriptions that the author painstakingly created are breezed by to get to the meat. Anyway, I've gotten off topic.

What I am amazed at is the level of detail in the reviews.

I googled "how to write great book reviews" and here is a smattering of the advice and links.


Of course, WikiHow weighs in, and it feels more like an academic exercise.
http://www.wikihow.com/Write-a-Book-Review
Step 1: "Read the book and take notes. If possible, read the book multiple times, as repeat reads tend to lead a reader (or reviewer) to view aspects of the story, the setting and the character(s) in a new or different way."  OMG, hello, I am not taking notes while I am reading this book, talk about getting out of the story.
Step 2: Think about the book's genre and/or field of study.  
Really, it's YA Fiction, or Romance, or Historical Romance, or Suspense, etc. Again, this doesn't really help me.
Step 3: Determine the major themes of the book. 
This step might have some merit, but I don't read a book for the theme. The characters, yes, but usually not the themes.
Step 4: Consider the author's writing style. Yes, I probably do this some and more depending on the book.  Like Shatter Me, I loved the author's writing style or the protagonist's voice which was lyrical, what many describe as purple prose, but I think it worked.
Step 5: Think about how well the author develops the major areas or points in the book.
Eh, maybe.  I probably talk more about how the character develops within the book or progresses, but I don't think I cover this.

Anyway, I didn't read this whole WikiHow because I realize it has three parts with a total of about 15-20 steps.  Shit.  Sorry, I'm not spending any more time on that site, but I have the link if any of you are interested.

The next one is probably closer to what currently do but mine are freeform, and I hate as I mentioned earlier the Step 1 on the list below.  Usually, because a better description of the book is on Amazon or other book sites and I don't want to waste my time with a book summary.

BookTrust - Writer:  Luisa Plaja

1) Start with a couple of sentences describing what the book is about
2) Discuss what you particularly liked about the book
3) Mention anything you disliked about the book
4) Round up your review

http://www.booktrust.org.uk/books/teenagers/writing-tips/tips-for-writing-book-reviews/

So if these other bloggers or reviewers follow a mix of this or some other guide for the book (some provided for book clubs), I wonder why.

Do you as a reader find long reviews helpful?  What steps do you think are vital?  I write the review within a day or so of finishing the book and most of the time within the hour when it is fresh in my mind.  What am I missing? Or are you happy with the reviews?  I can't say that I will change much but I might.  I'm not too old to learn new tricks!  Thanks!

Isabelle

Back at it...

After spending the last three months studying for the Texas Bar Exam, I finally have time to do some writing and reading.  I won't know my results until early November and in the meantime, I will be looking for a job as well as spending time with my kiddos before school starts in late August.  I realize that I haven't been on here in about a month despite having the last fifteen days off.  I have read about five books and swam a lot.

Now, I am spending some serious time on the sequel and smaller book in the Caged Beauty Series. Instead of writing the sequel and then writing one of the smaller books, I have been writing them concurrently.   Since they deal with a similar timeline of events, the larger book is from the perspective of Kathryn and the smaller book is from Alex's POV. I find it interesting to write from a male perspective, and I hope to humanize Alex so that he is still considered great but less perfect and has some depth of character as he deals with the situation he is in.

I had some moments in The Swallow that Alex was jealous and got angry when Kathryn explained about her relationship with Evan, but some beta-readers said he was too angry. So I toned it down some, and although I love him in the book, he does seem wonderful, but it is really from Kathryn's POV, and she is smitten with him from their first meeting.

But I've written a considerable amount in each book that I am contemplating putting them together and using both POV. There are other books that I've read that have done this, and I personally like it in a secondary book, but I struggle with deciding if the reader will want to read the Alex's POV after or before.

I wonder about the first book being from just Kathryn's POV and then switching it up in the 2nd book. I know it has been done by other successfully, but I need to figure out if I should keep them separate or merge the two story.

Together they are roughly the size of the first book, but I am not finished writing The Bluebird, which is the second book in the series. I know that other series are usually three books, but at this point, I can't see dragging it out much longer. The Swallow was originally written as one book, and I broke it up because I changed the story dramatically to add more conflict. It got boring for me, and I just didn't see getting it all in one book any longer.

Anyway, I will try to update more frequently as I write and read. Enjoy the rest of your summer and keep reading!

Isabelle

Finale

I just watched the finale of my favorite show, Outlander. I cried buckets and immediately rewatched a pivotal scene that was simultaneously sweet and heart-wrenching. All the episodes have become a favorite of mine to rewatch. I bought them immediately and plan to rewatch them just like I do with Pride and Prejudice, Emma, Gone With The Wind, and so many other wonderful love stories and great epic stories that drag me into the story.

I know other Outlander fans will probably disagree, but I wasn't crazy about Sophie Skelton as Brianna. Maybe her portrayal will improve but then again even when I read Dragonfly in Amber, I wanted to skip ahead so I could read about Claire and Jaime. I am not as fascinated with Brianna and Roger as so many others are. I like that they have a romance, but the first part of each of Diana's books starts off slow for me and until Claire either goes through the stones or starts telling about Jaime again, I am just itching to get past what I am currently reading and get to "the good stuff."



When I first read Outlander, I had no idea what to think because I knew nothing about the book. All I saw was this good looking dirty redheaded guy holding a beautiful brunette, and I was interested. I've always been a sucker for romance. But I did read part of a review, and it gave me an idea that she travels in time and meet someone so while I was reading the first 100 pages or so, I was chomping at the bit to get to the part when she crossed over the stones. I was very bored with her life or the vacation with Frank and later I could understand why Jaime would be the love of her life and the life she lived with him was more appealing than the one she did with Frank, he was boring. Yes, he loved her, and he was sweet, but he was condescending and arrogant. I didn't get the impression that she was on equal footing with Frank in their relationship. But with Jaime, she was, and he loved her so much. Diana did such a good job of holding out who the love interest would be though when she first crosses over, or I'm an idiot because Claire didn't make it clear immediately that she thought Jaime was attractive, and she talked about him as a boy or young man.

But it changed, and the slow romance and her feelings grew for him, and then to realize that he had loved her all along and only due to pride and the situation they were in at the time of their marriage did he hold back from telling her. Talk about great story telling.

I long to write a character like Jaime. Maybe one day I will.

Why Not?

Why not spend time answering these questions instead of studying for the bar? Hope I don't have to shamefully admit all my distraction ended with me failing it...Yikes.

@robinhillwrites tagged me to answer 11 questions. She's a writer of erotic romance novels.

Started by: Erica Lynn

“The Sunshine Blogger Award is a “get to know the writer better” type of blogging exercise, with a couple of rules attached:
Answer all 11 questions asked by the blogger who nominated you.
Nominate eleven bloggers in return and write eleven (possibly fiendish) questions for them to answer.”

Here goes...

1. Best Halloween costume you’ve ever donned? I went as a sexy doctor in college. I wore fishnet pantyhose, stilettos, a White lab coat (borrowed from Biology major friend), stethoscope, and black bra and panties and a name tag "Dr. Love"
2. When’s the last time you did something really stupid? hard to pinpoint because I probably do something stupid each day. Especially if math is involved.
3. Who do you stalk on social media? not really stalk but love reading about and seeing new stuff about @SamHeughan and @Outlander
4. What book would you like to see made into a movie? Well, because while writing my book The Swallow, I saw it play out as a movie in my head, I would love that. But other book I've read that I'd like to see as a movie is Big Girl Panties. I love Holly's transformation and the hottest guy ever to play Logan. Sexy and funny and sad.
5. F&ck, marry, kill: Rachel, Monica, Phoebe, —or— Chandler, Ross, Joey? Joey, Chandler, Ross
6. Jim Morrison, Van Morrison, or no Morrison? Jim Morrison, only because I saw the movie "The Doors" and he was played by Val Kilmer. nothing more to say.
7. Favorite place you’ve traveled? Germany
8. Last book that turned you to mush? Queen of Always (Stolen Empire, #3) by Sherry D. Ficklin
9. Last book you wanted to throw across the room in a heated rage? Ladies Night by Mary Kay Andrews. I got to chapter 6 and I couldn't go on. So frustrating and unrealistic. Her husband locks her out of the house and community after she catches him cheating. So many issues that could be resolved in a simple way, but the main character must be an idiot! Hated it.
10. Favorite book cover? Outlander but the one with Jaime on it, not the original one. It's the reason I read the book.
11. Favorite book by a new writer?! Big Girl Panties by STEPHANIE Evanovich (not the other famous and prolific Evanovich). LOVE LOVE this book. I've read it twice now and I can't say enough about my love for Logan Montgomery and sweet funny Holly.

Okay so here are my 11 questions for the authors to answer?

1. What are you top five favorite TV shows right now?
2. What is the book that you've re-read the most?
3. If you could take your next dream vacation where would it be?
4. What are your favorite genres to read?
5. Do you work when you aren't writing and if so, what do you do?
6. What are you scared of?
7. Five words to describe your personality?
8. What was the inspiration for your first book and latest book?
9. What is your guilty pleasure?
10. What is one thing you wish you could change about yourself?
11. What makes you laugh the most?

Tagging Eleven People:

1. Jessika Fleck @jessikafleck
2. Kelly S. Marsden @KSMarsden
3. Mercedes Fox @MercedesFoxBook
4. Rochelle Jackson @locherre
5. RG Kerr @rgkerrbooks
6. Caille Fox @CailleFox
7. Lacey London @thelaceylondon
8. Suki Sather @SukiSather
9. Darren Deegan @DDeeganAuthor
10. Aspen Bassett @achickadee9
11. John J Higgins @JohnJHigginsEsq

Reading slump

Have you ever experienced a reading slump? I am in one right now. Because of my personal obligations, I can't be reading every day like I normally do and it won't let up until August. But when I have read a book it's just been okay or "eh" and I want to fall in love with a book. I've tried some authors that I loved in the past and the current books just wasn't as great. I know that this happens but if you read my reviews there have been like five books in a row that I gave a 3-star to and that's a low score for me. That means I got through it, and it was okay. If I can't get through it which happens on occasion, I'll give it a one or two stars and I'll rant about why I didn't like it. So I've had to go back and re-read some of my favorite books to get through this reading slump.

I also have times of a writing slump when I just don't want to write, or I am bored with the story, usually because I want it to be done. I get somewhat impatient with writing, and I speed through and write lots for a week or two then don't touch it again for a few more weeks.

Right now, I just feel blah because I'm not able to do what I want but rather have to finish some obligations that take almost all of my time.  The obligations are taxing, and I don't feel good about the situation, but they must be done. So I must get back to it as I've spent the last few minutes writing this on an unscheduled break.

Review: Outlander

Outlander by Diana Gabaldon
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Could I love a book more? Maybe, it wasn't perfect, but it was so close. The dialog, the witty remarks, the hot and sexy Jamie Fraser. The book started out slow for me until she crossed over, but I can also see it as a good practical reason to believe that she wouldn't go back because she while she loved Frank, there was something missing and lacking in the relationship.

It kept me on my toes when she was in 1743 because I didn't really know anything about the book before reading it. I saw the cover with her wrapped in Jamie's flannel of his kilt, and I thought I want to read this. I did read a few reviews to give me an idea, and that's the only way I knew that she would time travel, but I kept waiting for the moment to arrive and wanted it to because as I said before that the beginning was slow for me. She also did a great job of hiding who the love interest would be because she kept referring to him as a young lad or something like that.

The dialog with the Scots was great, and I love how witty and sweet Jamie is. Clare's vehemence at times was a little dramatic, especially saying "Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ." But on the whole, I loved it and despite the slowness of the first 40-50 pages, the rest of the over 700-page book was fantastic!

View all my reviews

Procrastination

I am a procrastinator. This is not surprising to my many friends and family but the extent of it may be. I just finished law school and I have to start studying for the bar. I have to find a part-time or full-time job after I take the bar and then I need to find legal employment after I become a lawyer.

I want to sit at home and be on the computer, reading, writing, watching, and listening. To anything but not reading job posts, writing my resume, watching videos about job interviewing skills and especially not listening to experts tell me what I need to do to get a job.

This will be a difficult next few months...

Reviews

I read lots of books every year. I post my reviews on Amazon and I've started to post them here and on Goodreads.  I read mainly romance but some best sellers and classical literature as well. In my younger years I read more Suspense and Spy books. I'm am sure that shaped my actual writing style and genre. I wish I could write like Jane Austen but I can't and I'm not sure if readers today have the desire to read books like that written modernly.

Confession

When I was a teenager, and I'd waited until the last possible minute to do the dishes before my single mother would come back home after being out trying to find a husband, I'd pretend I was a spurned wife.  I would act out a scene. I was the stay at home wife or wife that had happened downtown and saw my husband out with another woman, kissing, holding, whatever betrayal he committed, and I would be waiting for him. Doing the dishes and ready to pounce, then I'd imagine him walking in, and I'd ask him what he'd done that day, luring him into the lie, ready to smash him with the truth that I'd discovered earlier that day. I'd yell, I'd argue, I'd say horrible things and bring myself to tears with the real emotion that I had conjured up thinking of how hurt I would be that my husband did this to me.  I think I was about 15 years old.

Then when I was in college, and the invention of cell phones was so new that I had one that only held 180 minutes/month that I primarily used for emergencies and when I'd make the trek from Austin to Dallas to visit my family, I have elaborate conversations. With my boyfriend, parents, friends, boss, whoever I could think of and I'd create situations or conflict to discuss.

Then when my husband I were searching for our home together, I'd make up stories about the families that lived in the house and why they were selling. I'd look for clues; the master closet would be empty on one side, or the bedside table was full of stuff while the matching one on the other side was empty. Divorce, cheating, drama.  That's what I would create. If there weren't enough in my already crazy life, I'd create stories and arguments, heartache, betrayal.

I don't remember making up fun or happy stories. Maybe there was more emotion or punch to the scenes in my head when I could yell and tell my imaginary husband that I never wanted to see him again.

I tried writing stories when I was even younger. I got a large spiral notebook and would decide on a name and what my character looked like, blah, blah and then nothing. I had no story; I tried to write about my life but I was boring, and I didn't know what to write that was interesting, and I got bored with it.
So in my 30s, I had come back to two loves that I left when I was young. In my youth, I gave up the idea that I would be a writer and I gave up on a legal profession. Now over 20 years later, I am doing both. I am doing them better than I could have during my naive youth and I'm grateful that my experiences stimulate my stories.

Now, I write or think about stories and then quickly write them down while I'm waiting at the traffic light, singing in church, spending time with my family, driving, waiting, and in the silence, I think about stories. I write my ideas down; I record my ideas, and I think about my ideas.

For me, I have to get the story down while it's fresh or it will evaporate. And when I have the time to put the story on the page, I usually have 20-30 records of ideas or scenes for the stories.  Sometimes I listen to them if I've forgotten a part but most of the time, I 've been thinking about it and plotting the scenes that when I write it, it just flows out of me. I don't do much else but write. I stop begrudgingly to go to the restroom, to eat, to pick my kids up from school, to live beyond the story in my head.

The Bluebird (Caged Beauty Series, Book2): SPOILER ALERT

Writing the second book in this series has some positives and negatives. There are things that I want to do with the book, but I have to balance keeping the fans and readers interested along the way. So many readers fell in love with Alex along the way with Kathryn, and they eagerly anticipate their reunion in book 2. But I will hint to a spoiler that there is some unexpected good news that will bring them back together, it can't be accomplished so easily or else we'd all get bored with the story.

So when I wrote The Swallow, it was a stand-alone novel in the first draft and Kathryn and Alex did end up together.  But I got bored with the progression of the story, and it seemed to be so tidy. I wanted more suspense and to draw out the relationship. But by drawing it out, I had to create separation and distance between the romantic couple. So I know the end goal for this novel, and I believe most of my readers will be very happy, but we have to go on the rollercoaster of thrills to get to the satisfying end.  I struggle with the boundaries that my readers will accept without getting too pissed off with Kathryn or for that matter Alex.  I don't know about you, but books that I love are books that are filled with characters the frustrate me, make me laugh and bring me emotionally along with them on their journey with the other characters. I do not usually love everything about my characters, it wouldn't be an accurate picture of a complex person, for the characters to have no flaws. But some flaws are fatal for readers.  Some readers must not have screwed up as badly as I have because I can't write off characters for being selfish, spoiled, bitchy, adulterous, deceptive, and a whole host of other bad acts.  Because I'm not perfect, my characters aren't either.

I heard and excellent verse in church today from Proverbs about friendship: 
Proverbs 27:6 "Wounds from a sincere friend are better than many kisses from an enemy." NIV

Relationships are messy, and we hurt each other, but that usually means we are invested, and care, easy and pampering only comes from those that don't care about you as a person. So my characters are sincere friends, and they hurt each other. They are real, they screw up, they are conflicted, they are selfish, and many times well-intentioned but act wrong.

Another spoiler is that I plan on including Alex's Point of View. I am still working out how it will occur if it will be in a few chapters or if I will include a separate book with just his perspective. But for those of you who LOVE Alex and want to know what he's thinking about when he looks at Kathryn when he leans down to kiss her when he wants to reach out and hold her, you'll get it.  Just not sure how much you will get.

Howdy Girl

My first job out of school was at an advertising agency in downtown Austin. I started as an intern in my final year of school and they hired me to stay. I loved the work I did there but I wanted more responsibility and to be an account executive. My first job title was "Howdy Girl" and I hated it. I would rather have been called "Jr. Assistant" but no, my boss thought it was cute.  Anyways, I have been writing down my thoughts for a new novel in more of a Chick-Lit genre from my experiences there. I have the basic premise down and have been fleshing out the first few scenes but as I think over what I've written, it sounds more of a romance than Chick-Lit. I need to develop it more to see if I can make it humorous but I may not be a humor writer. I love reading books that make me laugh and I love comedies but I'm not sure if that will translate into writing well in this area.  I'm going to keep trying and maybe it will just be a romance, but I like the story as I'm taking notes.

Interview

I was featured in an interview by Mercedes Fox.
Click here to read the interview on her blog!

New post on Mercedes Fox ~ Author

Meet Author Isabelle Joshua by Mudmule13 Howdy my lovelies! Welcome to Interview FoxSeat showcasing author Isabelle Joshua Isabelle Joshua writes suspenseful romance novels with strong women leads and interesting characters. Her characters are witty, complex, and they love intensely—they are known to steam up the windows with their heat. She loves a good story that captures her and doesn't let go. She hopes to create stories that captivate her readers as well. Isabelle Joshua has been married for over twelve years and is the mother to five beautiful children. She wrote her debut novel in the last year of graduate school and spends most days at her desk writing, posting on social media, or watching funny videos. Book blurb: The Swallow (Caged Beauty Series, Book 1) Suspense. Passion. Deceit. More is uncovered than the terrorist’s plans when NSA Special Agent lures her target. Forced to work for the NSA, sexy Special Agent Kathryn Bryant has one last mission before she escapes her lonely life of espionage. This mission is unlike any other she's done because she has to reveal herself in more ways than one. Spending the week with gorgeous Alex Reed without arousing suspicion puts all her wits and training to the test. Kathryn has to move quickly to gain his trust and desire so she can steal the intel, but Alex puts the mission and her heart in jeopardy... If you use a Pen Name why did you choose it?While I’m supremely proud of my writing, the legal profession is very traditional and the fact that I’ve written a romance novel may not garner anything positive for me. I had to get another pen name after researching my first one as it was currently in use by another novelist, so I used the middle names of my three young children, Isabelle Reagan Joshua. Why do you write? I wrote this book because I wanted to go to sleep. I laid in bed thinking about a particular scene so I went into my living room, got a notebook, and thought I’d get it out and be able to go to sleep. By 4 a.m. I wrote almost the first quarter of my debut novel. Ever since then, the voice of my characters need an escape and their stories demand that I tell them. I tried writing during my youth, but felt too constrained. Now I don’t care; I write what is interesting. When I write a scene and think, “God this is boring, I don’t care about what is going on,” I scrap it. Instead, I write what keeps me engaged as a reader. I love to read, and I want the juicy, good parts—not a page about the chair and table in the room. When did you decide to become a writer? It wasn’t a conscious decision; it became apparent that I loved spending morning to night creating stories. When I can’t write, I record my ideas or scenes on my phone to be listened to later. It’s a great process of fleshing out what will work and what makes sense. I wrote many of my favorite scenes from the recordings I made. What genre are your books? My current book is definitely a Suspenseful Romance, but it doesn’t follow the established Romance novel format of boy meets girl, they fall in love, there’s conflict, then they work it all out. And it isn’t Suspenseful as in there are people after them, I think it is just the pace and suspense of anything could happen to them. I have about five books in various stages, and I’d say the central theme is romance. I love to find romance in everything, so I definitely write it in every story. But I have some deeper issues running through my stories, in The Swallow the main character is forced to become a spy, in another one the main character is thrust into sex trafficking, one is freshly divorced, and one is widowed. Actually, reading through the list I wrote above, a big theme is that I put women in situations that they don’t want to be in see how they manage or get out of it. What draws you to this genre? Romance. The love story. I read romance novels. But I grew up reading whatever I could sneak off my mother’s bookshelf which was primarily Suspense, Thrillers or Espionage stories. So those genres also influence my writing. How long does it usually take you to complete a book? It took me a year to write The Swallow. It would have been less time, but I had to stop writing because of my school work. I’ve been in law school, and I couldn’t keep putting off school so I had to stop for months. I tend to write in spurts, when I have an idea, I write it down. If I wrote full time, then it would probably take just a few months or more because I hate editing, so I tend to procrastinate when I’m editing. What made you decide to sit down and actually start something? As I stated above, I had this image and scene in my head that had to be written down. That is generally how each book has started. Although one came from a horrible day I experienced. Do you write full-time or part-time? Part-time because I’m in school. I hope to one-day write full-time, but it doesn’t currently pay the bills. Do you have a special time to write or how is your day structured? When I’m writing, I usually wake up, have my breakfast at my desk, and I write from morning until late in the day. I stay at home with my youngest, and I take breaks to tend to her, but if I am in the creative mode, I stop only because life forces me to. And sometimes life forces me to stop for weeks or months. How do you think you’ve evolved creatively? Great question, I don’t know. I’ve read more about writing and try to incorporate things that I’ve come across that work, but I realized that I need to stay true to my voice. I actually cut a pivot scene after my first beta-reader read my novel and then when she read it again right before publishing, she called me right away to argue with me about why it needed to be in there. I wanted it there, and I hated cutting it, but I’d read and listened to some “experts” that said you shouldn’t include backstory in the first chapter. I happily put it back in. So I learned that I need to listen to my own instincts about the story. Do you listen to music or watch TV/movie while you write? Usually music, but sometimes silence and more often that I would like I write while my children bicker in the background. For The Swallow, I compiled a playlist on youtube.com because I mention songs frequently during the story. What have you written? The Prequel To The Swallow (Caged Beauty Series) The Swallow (Caged Beauty Series, Book 1) Currently writing: The Bluebird (Caged Beauty Series, Book 2) Working Title: Redemption Working Title: Locked Out Do you work to an outline or plot or do you prefer just seeing where an idea takes you? The Swallow wasn’t written with an outline, and I’m not sure that any of the rest of the book in the Caged Beauty Series will be. Redemption was written with a sort of outline. I had the initial idea for the story and then started an excel document and took notes about where I wanted each chapter to go, but while doing it, I started writing out full scenes. The others are still in the initial idea phase, so I don’t have outlines for them. Do you design your own book covers or have someone else? If you use someone else would you tell us who/website? I have an amazing friend that is a graphic artist, and I would have loved him to do my cover, but he’s just too good and too expensive at this point. Hopefully, I will one day be able to afford him. So I did the covers myself. I’ve worked in advertising and on books before but not from the design aspect, but I’ve learned a lot over the year. My cover isn’t traditional for a romance novel because there is no half-naked man on the cover. I went through book covers of the books that I loved and let them inform my vision for the book. And I think it works because The Swallow doesn’t fit the mold of a romance novel. How do you market your books? Tirelessly. I promote them on my social media pages, my blog and website. I did some Facebook ads at first, but it’s costly. I’m a new author, and I think the best marketing has been word of mouth. I have a great group of friends and family that recommend my book. I have many friends at school that have read them and tell their family about them. I recently got a message from a friend telling me her grandmother loved my book and she can’t wait for the second one. Is there any marketing technique you used that had an immediate impact on your sales figures? My mother. She has told all of her friends about my book, and they bought them. I haven’t seen interest turn into sales as quickly as her promotion. Did you make any marketing mistakes or is there anything you would avoid in the future? At this point, I’ve only done a little, but just as far as ROI, I’d say doing the ads on Facebook. Do you find promoting your books challenging or enjoyable? Challenging. I’d rather be writing. But I love talking to readers, so if more of the marketing involved that then I would love it. Any advice for aspiring authors? Don’t write for any other reason than for yourself and write what you want, not what you think will sell. And keep reading! Give us an insight into your main character. What does he do that is so special?It’s in her title. Kathryn is a NSA Special Agent. She’s extremely intelligent, she loves figuring out solutions to problems, but she’s not happy luring her targets and having to get close to these men. She’s been trapped in this role by her ex-boyfriend, and she is planning her escape from this life. Until she meets her next target… Where do your ideas come from? My crazy head. I’ve gotten ideas off of TV shows, songs, movies, or my life. What is the hardest thing about writing? Finding the time. What was the hardest thing about writing your latest book? Staying focused till the end. I get impatient and I want to finish it. I have other stories that I want to write. Which writers inspire you? I love Jane Austen and Charlotte Bronte, but I definitely don’t write like either of them. I read Nelson DeMille and Ken Follett when I was growing up. I love classical literature, but I don’t read it as much as I read current romance. I am currently obsessed with Outlander, so Diana Gabaldon. But I don’t know how she can write 9 long books about that story. I love Susan Elizabeth Phillips, Sophie Kinsella, and Kiera Cass. What is the current book you are promoting? The Swallow (Caged Beauty Series, Book 1) You mentioned you’re writing a new story. How about a teaser? The new story that I started writing last November is Redemption. It is the story of a young woman working in a brothel and a man that she meets there. It begins three years after she was sold and forced to work in a brothel at the age of 15. He comes in as one of her customer, but he’s an undercover cop. He protects her and ultimately saves her. They are both the main characters, so the book follows each of them until they meet. It’s gritty, suspenseful but there’s also romance. I am really excited about it. Sex Trafficking and Child Abuse is an issue very close to my heart. When it is published I intend to donate part of the proceeds to organizations that help the victims of sex trafficking. Who is your favorite character in your book and why? My ladies. In The Swallow it is Kathryn. In Redemption it is Helena. Who is your least favorite character and why? That would have to be in Redemption. I have some real monsters in that one. But they are usually unnamed, wretched men that hurt little girls for sex. Despicable. Do you have any formal education in creative writing? If not are you planning to go to school? I minored in English during undergrad, and I took a few writing classes in college, but really in law school, you have to write so much that writing a 100K word novel no longer is a daunting task. Do you have any “how to write” type books/instructional you’d like to recommend? I am horrible at reading “how to” books and non-fiction, so I usually skip around in those types of books. The most help I’ve found is by reading articles, blogs, etc. But I don’t have one particular book to recommend. If your book were made into a movie, whom would you cast? Well, I love finding a face for my character, so I google actresses, models, actors, but I’m not sure if the person I chose visually would work for a movie. So I’d leave it up to the casting director. But my lead in The Swallow has always been Emily Blunt. What is your next project? I’m working on The Bluebird now and hope to start back up on Redemption later this year. Who is your favorite fictional character and why? Elizabeth Bennett, she is so strong and independent. She’s witty and speaks her mind. What one person from history would you like to meet and why? It would be the fictional character, Jaime Frazer (Played by Sam Heughan in Outlander). Jaime Frazer is fiercely loyal, very funny, he talks a lot, he’s brave, he’s so caring and he loves deeply. And if you’ve watched the show, you can see why I might want to meet the incredibly gorgeous actor and how he portrays Jaime is perfect. I’m not fond of the Alpha Males that don’t talk and don’t share what they feel. I love that Jaime expresses his feeling for Claire. If there was one thing you could do to change the world, what would it be? End Sex Trafficking. Who is your favorite author and which of their books is your favorite? I have to choose? I can’t. I love Jane Austin’s Pride and Prejudice but really I’ve read and love all her books. I love Charlotte Bronte’s Jane Eyre and Villette. I love Margaret Mitchell’s Gone With The Wind. There are so many others as well, but those were probably my first and longest loves. Do you or have you sat down and read your book fresh off the presses as if it wasn’t yours? And if you did, what was it like? I read The Swallow right before publishing it on my Kindle. I loved it. I’d forgotten some of the parts, and because I rewrote it a few times, I couldn’t remember what made the final cut. Because I couldn’t edit, it made it easy to read it for enjoyment. I was proud of the work. What is one great lesson you have learned as a writer? Stay true to your voice and you know what is best for your characters and the story. What is one thing you hate about being a writer? Editing. Once I’ve written it, I’m so done with it. But editing and rewriting is an important process. I’m just not great with grammar, but I surround myself with people who are. I tend to write as I talk, so when I went through my first draft, I had so many fragmented sentences it was ridiculous. You’ll probably see them in this interview because no one else besides me is editing my responses. Do you ever feel self-conscious when writing love/sex scenes? Not really, I like writing sex scenes. I find I maneuver my characters into sex scenes more than they should, so I sometimes have to cut them. I feel self-conscious when a male friend says they’ve read my book. Many readers that don’t write assume that the author is the character, and so if you’re writing the sex a certain way then that is what you like. My characters are wholly and distinct from me. What are some of your favorite books and why? It is really hard to choose. I read almost 150 books this last year and there were so many that I loved for different reasons. I’m not stingy with my 4 and 5 stars. I put up my reviews 99% of the time even if I didn’t like it. If I didn’t review a book it is probably because I went directly into the next book and didn’t take the time. I tend to devour books. From 2015, my favorites were: Big Girl Panties by Stephanie Evanovich The Selection Series by Kiera Cass Heroes Are My Weakness, Call Me Irresistible, This Heart of Mine, Natural Born Charmer, Match Me If You Can, and so many more by Susan Elizabeth Phillips I’ve Got Your Number by Sophie Kinsella What do you think of traditional publishing vs. self-publishing? Both are hard. I chose self-publishing really because I was impatient and didn’t have the time to send off to literary agents. At first, I wanted to be traditionally published but then I saw how much I’d have to do and my laziness won out. Would you say there is a stigma to being self-published? Probably with people in the traditional publishing industry and maybe with readers. I don’t really know what’s self-published when I search for new books to read. I completely judge a book by its cover, and if the cover grabs me, I’ll check to make sure it has good reviews and then read the blurb. And I talk to my friends about the books they’ve read and loved. I think that is the best way to find good books. I don’t tend to choose books with half-naked men on the cover, but I’ve read some that are good. I mistakenly, at times, believe that the plot will be weak and just heavy sex. I want just as much plot as I do steam. What book are you currently reading or just finished? Did I not already mention that I loved Outlander. I did and I read it, then watched the first season on Starz, then I read the next two books and then reread just the Jaime parts in Outlander. Before that, I read Me Before You (Great), Stuck-Up Suit (okay), and The Girl on The Train (oh my gosh, it was so suspenseful, and a great book). What do your fans mean to you? More than I can express. I love hearing what they think of my book. Some will write a review or contact me to tell me what they liked or didn’t like, I love that interaction. I want to hear it. I love that they cried, or got frustrated, or some other emotion all due to my book. Once I’m told I usually have a huge smile on all day. Is there a book you love you’d like to recommend to others? Anything written by Susan Elizabeth Phillips. Tell us something unique about you. I have a very loud and distinct laugh. My husband made it his ringtone. Is there anything else you would like to add? Thank you so much for giving me this opportunity to connect with readers. Many thanks Isabelle for chatting! For more about Isabelle and her work, follow the links below:  //ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?ServiceVersion=20070822&OneJS=1&Operation=GetAdHtml&MarketPlace=US&source=ss&ref=as_ss_li_til&ad_type=product_link&tracking_id=wwwmercedesfo-20&marketplace=amazon&region=US&placement=B01BW2N0XI&asins=B01BW2N0XI&linkId=61c2b33b1381001b90e931c61b6d46f4&show_border=true&link_opens_in_new_window=true Website / Blog / Facebook / Twitter / Goodreads / Amazon / CreateSpace / Instagram Mudmule13 | April 20, 2016 at 6:31 am | Tags: Author Interview | Categories: Author Interview | URL:http://wp.me/p748lv-BH